


After the End

by Morgane (smilla840)



Category: Lost
Genre: Because Richard never got his ending, M/M, Post series finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-16
Updated: 2012-07-16
Packaged: 2017-11-10 03:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/461506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilla840/pseuds/Morgane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're all waiting for Richard to remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After the End

**Author's Note:**

> This assumes you've watched the series finale. If you haven't there are spoilers!

The beach is quiet.

Richard sits with his back against a tree and looks at the dark rolling mass that is the ocean at night, trying to remember why he came here. The warmth of the day’s sun lingers in the sand and seeps through his clothes, a sharp contrast with the cool breeze coming from the sea. He shivers, goosebumps breaking out on his skin, and wraps his arms around his chest to ward off the chill.

He doesn’t want to leave just yet.

There is a man standing a few feet behind him. He’s been here for a very long time, watching him, and yet Richard isn’t alarmed. There is something peaceful about him, something vaguely familiar that makes Richard want to turn and look at him properly. But the night is dark and he knows he won’t see a thing. So he just sits there and thinks about all the questions he wants to ask instead.

_Why are you here? Where did you come from? How did you get here? What do you want?_

_Do I know you?_

But he doesn’t ask because part of him insists that he should fear being ignored more than the answers.

Finally a sigh, and:

“You always were stubborn,” the man says with a wry smile Richard hears in his voice and can almost picture and –

Richard wakes up.

Eloise is looming over him with a frown and he blinks at her, the transition from dream to reality jarring. The sun is up and he has sand in uncomfortable places – why did he come here again? – and a quick surreptitious look around tells him they’re alone, no mystery man lurking in the shadows.

It was just a dream.

He feels oddly disappointed.

“You’re not allowed here,” he tells Eloise, an automatism coming from… somewhere, and her eyebrows disappear into her hairline.

“Why?” she asks and Richard opens his mouth to answer. There is a very good reason for that – except…

Whatever the reason was it has slipped from his mind, leaving him feeling confused and slightly foolish. Of course Eloise can be here. It’s a beach, not private property.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I said that.”

He pushes himself upright and walks to the bank, splashing salty water on his face to try and shake the strange dream that lingers over his soul. When he turns back Eloise is looking at him suspiciously, a hint of something Richard can’t identify creeping through, and again the sight of her on this beach twists something deep inside his guts.

It’s wrong.

“Are you okay, Richard?” she asks and Richard nods. 

“Yes, I’m fine.” Not a lie, but not the whole truth either. “What is it you wanted?”

Eloise’s expression turns somber.

“It’s Isabella. She is feeling poorly again.”

Richard rubs his face and sighs.

“Let’s go.”

\---

_There is a small community living on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. People show up out of the blue, looking for a change of pace. Sometimes they stay, sometimes they don’t. Their way of life isn’t for everyone. But each person who settles there is important._

_They all have a role to play._

_Take Lapidus: he crash-landed his plane in the jungle a while back and decided that he liked it there. Now he runs the supply line between them and the mainland and makes life a little easier for everyone._

_Ben Linus is their newest resident. He came from Los Angeles with his wife to open a school after his stepdaughter started college. Six months in it already feels like they’ve been there forever and everyone hopes they’ll stay: the village is too quiet with all the children away to boarding schools._

_Richard’s been on the island the longest. He was a doctor before and once he settled there, people started to follow. He takes care of them, stitches them up and dresses their wounds. He helps deliver babies and vaccinates children. And when his patients – his people – are too ill for science to do anything, he sits with them and holds their hand as they die._

_Sometimes it feels like he’s been here forever._

\---

“Good morning, Isabella,” Richard says with a kind smile as he sits next to her bed. “How are you feeling today?”

She smiles back weakly but a cough stops her from answering.

“Same as usual, uh?”

She nods and Richard falls into his routine, asking her a few more questions before listening to the rattling breaths in her chest. Isabella follows his every movement with her eyes, her attention straying from his face to his hands when he touches her, an almost pleading expression on her face.

It unnerved him at first, the way she looks at him whenever they cross paths. Like she is waiting for him to do something – say something –, except no one clued Richard in on what role he was supposed to play.

This time is no different. By the time Richard’s done and offering his usual list of recommendations, she seems both disappointed and resigned.

He leaves, feeling guilty and not understanding why.

\---

_Isabella met Richard two years ago on this very island. He was a doctor and that made her smile – her Ricardo, a doctor! He didn’t remember her but the others said it might take time, she had to be patient._

_She was._

_Soon she became ill. Richard diagnosed her with a bad case of pneumonia and cared for her. When she got worse and her only hope was a mad dash through a storm to get the right drugs from the mainland Richard went – and made it back on time to save her. Isabella thought that this for sure would make him remember, so similar it was to their history together. And as she improved slowly, she thought that surely now Richard was at peace._

_But he still didn’t remember and it hurt every time he looked at her as if she were a stranger._

_She knew then that she wasn’t what stopped him from moving on._

_She wasn’t what he needed._

_Not anymore._

\---

Later that day Richard is sorting through his medical supply, making a list of things he needs for the next supply run when it starts raining. The weather on the island is capricious and Richard is used to it by now, paying it no mind. Really, it’s pure chance that he happens to glance out of the window when he does.

He freezes.

There is a man standing at the entrance of the jungle, dirty blond hair drenched by the rain. He is looking right at him and Richard _knows_ it’s the same man who was in his dream last night. It makes no sense, no sense at all – how can it be? He never even saw him in the dream – and Richard has to talk to him.

Has to get some answers.

He runs out into the pouring rain but the man is already gone – if he was ever there. Richard stands in the middle of the street, already soaked through, and thinks he is losing his mind.

“Richard!” someone calls out and he turns to see Ben waving at him from his – dry – porch. “What are you doing out in the rain?”

“There was a man in the jungle, did you see him?” Richard shouts back over the rain, gesturing towards where he last saw the man.

Ben looks at him oddly. “A man? What did he look like?”

“Tall, blond. He was right there!”

“You saw… _Jacob_?”

The name sends a jolt of something through Richard’s chest and he takes an involuntary step back, stumbling a little. His heart is pounding and he is feeling lightheaded and he doesn’t understand what’s happening. In a flash he sees –

_the man – Jacob? – smiling indulgently and –_

and the image is gone, leaving him even more confused than before.

“What the hell is going on?” he yells.

Ben gestures him in.

\---

_Jacob’s been waiting for a long time._

_He’s been waiting for Richard. Sometimes it seems that he’s spent his whole life doing just that._

_For centuries and centuries after their mother’s death he only had his brother – or what was left of his brother – for company, humans coming and going and dying, insignificant except for the role they played in the tug of war between them. It was a lonely existence but one Jacob was accustomed to and he saw no point in befriending the strangers who lived on his island._

_They all died eventually._

_Then came Richard. When he asked, Jacob made him immortal and suddenly he wasn’t alone anymore. It was the first time Jacob had someone to talk to who wasn’t his mother or his brother, and it was a wondrous feeling._

_It wasn’t always easy. After being alone for so long Richard’s continuing presence could sometimes be too jarring, too loud, too _incomprehensible_. At other times he craved it so badly that he found himself restless and bored, waiting impatiently for Richard to return from the tasks he sent him on, reluctant to send him out again._

_Years, decades passed and another craving arose. It started innocently enough. He had always touched Richard – a hand on the shoulder, a brief embrace when they reunited. Suddenly he wanted more: his hands lingered and his dreams left him breathless and angry at his body’s – and mind’s – betrayal. Whatever needs he had once had he had quashed them a long time ago. This should not be happening._

_But of course it did because it was Richard, Richard who had turned Jacob’s life upside down once before so why not do it again?_

_It happened one afternoon. The island was quiet for once, theirs for the time being, his brother no doubt plotting his next move. Richard was lounging in the sun, eyes closed and Jacob was watching him. His hair was cropped shorter than the last time he had seen him and he had made use of Jacob’s straight razor the day before, a hint of stubble already darkening his cheeks. One minute Jacob was idly wondering how it would feel under his fingertips and the next the back of his curved fingers was exploring warm skin._

_Richard’s eyes opened. There was surprise there, and then something entirely different that made Jacob’s guts tighten and sweat break out all over his body. His skin felt too tight as he clambered on top of Richard, whimpering at the contact as he sought his lips blindly._

_The kiss was clumsy and determined and a little off-center, at least until Richard buried a hand into his hair with a groan, guiding him to the right position. His other hand clutched at Jacob’s back, bringing them impossibly closer, and for a while Jacob forgot everything but heat and Richard._

_After Jacob died he waited for Richard to come home. He knew there was a possibility that Richard wouldn’t come home to him at all and so when he did come, Jacob stayed away and gave him time to be reunited with his wife._

_He had been selfish before, keeping Richard to himself for years and years. He could be selfless now._

_For Richard’s sake._

_But Richard didn’t remember his wife._

_Still Jacob waited. They all waited, all of them who were here for Richard. And nothing happened._

_Jacob couldn’t stay away forever._

\---

“It makes no sense,” Richard sputters. “I’ve never met this… Jacob before in my life!”

“Are you sure?” Ben asks.

Richard opens his mouth to say that yes, he _is_ sure but the memory of whatever it was he saw earlier gives him pause.

“You saw something earlier, didn’t you?” Ben presses on. “Not out there in the jungle but here,” he taps Richard’s forehead lightly.

Richard flinches back and balls his hands up on his lap. He doesn’t answer but that’s answer enough.

_‘You always were stubborn,’_ he hears in his mind and shakes his head to clear it.

Oblivious to his inner turmoil – or maybe because of it – Ben goes on.

“You should go talk to him. You’ll understand then.”

Richard thinks that’s the last thing he needs to do. 

Knows that he’ll do it anyway.

He sighs.

“Where do I find him?”

There is an oddly gentle look on Ben’s face and Richard sees –

_a kid, with crooked glasses, asking him to let him come with him and –_

“You know where.”

He does. 

 

The wind has chased the rain away by the time Richard reaches the beach and the sun is shining again.

In the shadow of the statue stands the man he is looking for, Jacob –

_he who shall save us all –_

and another man, dressed in black. It looks like they’re arguing and Richard almost turns back. Almost. He doesn’t though, the aura of danger that surrounds the stranger making him afraid for some reason he can’t quite grasp. 

Then everything happens very fast. 

Jacob turns away and there is a knife and Richard yelling a warning, giving Jacob just enough time to twist away, barely avoiding the blade, losing his footing and falling, taking the other man with him. Richard is running, the wet sand slowing him down, but Jacob is taking the upper hand and control of the knife and standing up and –

“Not this time, brother.”

Richard blinks and the other man is gone. Jacob throws the knife away with a disgusted look on his face before turning towards Richard and –

_Jacob smiling at him, that half-smile that says more than a full grin; the two of them sitting side by side on the beach, the silence easy and comfortable; asking questions that get no answer; Jacob touching him; angry words and bitterness; meeting again after a long time; kissing in the ocean; Jacob weaving; the sound of the waves against the statue; and Jacob being deaddeaddead and wanting to die and –_

Richard doesn’t remember falling down on one knee as close to two centuries-worth of memories, good and bad, assault his mind. Then Jacob is there, a strong hand clasping his arm and hauling him upright, holding him close as Richard fights for breath, the only thing keeping him standing. 

“Am I really dead this time?” he asks eventually, the words barely intelligible from where his face is smashed into Jacob’s shoulder.

“Yes,” Jacob says with a huff of laughter.

“I missed you.”

“And I missed you.”

A hand cards through his hair and the slightest pressure makes Richard look up. Once he does he can’t not kiss Jacob because he is right there and it’s hungry and messy and a little angry too because Jacob died and it was his fault and –

Jacob shushes him, gentling the kiss, turning it slow and lazy until Richard feels the anger and the guilt fade. He saved him this time. Stopped the man in black from killing him. 

He can let go.

Except –

Then Jacob pulls back, lingering just an inch away, and says:

“She’s almost here.”

Richard closes his eyes briefly and turns around just in time to see his wife walk out of the jungle. He recognizes her this time: under the layers of his life with Jacob stand the remnants of the memories of his life with Isabella and they’re so sparse that it makes his throat go tight.

“Talk to her,” Jacob says and Richard goes.

\---

_In the years after Richard first met Jacob, he started forgetting things about Before._

_He didn’t notice at first. There was so much to do, so much to learn, and it was easy to lose his sense of self in Jacob. There was something mesmerizing about the man, quiet strength and tightly leashed temper, and Richard could spend hours trying to figure him out and never come up with a satisfying answer. His task kept him busy and in truth he was glad for the distraction: it kept his thoughts busy and away from his grief._

_One day he woke up and realized that decades had passed. He looked the same but his memories of Isabella, the sound of her voice, the smell of her skin were vague and traitorous. He could no longer remember what she looked like when she smiled, what laughter tasted like on her lips. She had slipped away from Richard’s mind, quietly and unnoticed._

_He remembered love. And he remembered pain. But the little things that had made her Isabella were gone, faded with time._

_Richard cursed Jacob that day for giving him nothing but time, time to ineluctably forget what little he still remembered._

_It was the first time he ever yelled at him, usually too in awe of the man to voice the everyday frustrations kindled by the aura of mystery Jacob insisted on shrouding himself in. After he had screamed himself raw he half expected Jacob to send him away but instead when he looked at him he saw –_

_Jacob looked sad._

_With a pang Richard wondered how many things Jacob had forgotten in all his long years. Wondered if there was someone he missed, a mother, a brother, a lover, the gap left behind by their absence the only reminder that they were ever there._

_He sat down heavily on the ground and grieved for his wife and for his own mortality. And Jacob sat with him, his hand warm and heavy on his shoulder anchoring him to his new life._

_Something changed in their relationship after that. Richard stopped seeing Jacob as an all powerful being and saw him as a man instead. A very old, very fascinating man, but a man nonetheless._

_It didn’t make things smoother between them: now Richard spoke up when he disagreed with Jacob’s orders and Jacob didn’t take too well to that, not at first, so unused was he to having someone argue with him._

_When Jacob kissed him that first time there was a moment of shock, then realization – **this.*this*. yes.** – and Richard kissed him back. Pulled him close and clung to him, suddenly afraid that he would be snatched away too._

_But Jacob would not die, *could* not die, Richard reasoned with himself, secure in the belief that his world would not be shattered again._

_He was wrong._

\---

“I’m sorry,” he says and he is, truly.

“I hoped.” She looks sad but more at peace than he’s ever seen her in this place. “But I knew when I got here.”

He must look as confused as he feels because she explains with a small smile.

“This is not our home.” She gestures at the beach, the broken statue on its pedestal. “It is the home you had with him. If you had been waiting for me you would not have found yourself here.”

“I did love you.”

Her smile is radiant. “I know. We had a hard life but we were happy. I never doubted that. But you had a long life, longer than you should have. I am glad you found someone else to love.”

She takes a step back and Richard suddenly remembers.

“Wait!”

He still has her cross hanging around his neck and he fumbles with the opening with suddenly clumsy fingers.

“This is yours,” he says, handing it to her. She takes it with a delighted smile.

“You still have it. It was my mother, you know?”

He doesn’t know – he’d forgotten – so he says nothing, smiling as he accepts her kiss of thanks.

As she walks away he hopes that she will find happiness in her afterlife.

When she’s gone from sight he turns back towards the statue, lingering at the entrance –

_you don’t need my permission to come in, you’re always welcomed here –_

before stepping inside. He joins Jacob in front of his tapestry and the other man relaxes visibly when their shoulders press together.

“What happens now?” Richard asks.

“I don’t know,” Jacob says and he seems to find the concept of not knowing something utterly fascinating. 

It makes Richard smile.

There is no hurry to figure it out.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at my livejournal.


End file.
